I am coaching and mentoring people on this journey of loving yourself from the inside out and sometimes I think I ought to be above the emotional relapse AND the same old TAPE that keeps running.
This one is about my weight. I am SUPER self-conscious about my weight. Growing up I weighed 125 pounds at 5’9″. I was tall and skinny.
Around 30 I gradually started gaining, as many do. I have leveled off and been the same weight for many years now. Today I am a size 10/12, which is not big.
However, I am not in what I would call healthy shape.
I am vigilant about my spiritual health and my emotional balance, but when it comes to actually doing something about my physical condition, like exercising, I pay it lip service. I am active in my life, but there is no consistent exercise program going on.
This also lends to my mission and passion about loving myself from the inside out. My physical health is one more way to be loving to me.
Logic tells me I am not that big. I went shopping yesterday and put on some spanx (which I have NEVER WORN before). I looked like the goddess symbol- you know the one with big curves and a ROUND BELLY.
Maybe it is simply my perception of myself, since I was skinny growing up. Mayber there could be some truth to how I see myself.
I am looking at this consistent pattern that shows up when I am feeling raw and vulnerable, I begin torturing myself about how I THINK I look. Then, I match my feelings to my perception. This is NOT GOOD for me.
I can see the pattern, it is repetitive. Somewhere in my life something happened or was said and I made it mine. It has become my voice in my head, even though, it belongs to someone else.
I am sharing with you mostly because I RARELY talk about this with anyone. I decided it is time, because I KNOW I am not the only one that struggles with this.
Here are the steps I am doing right now:
1- I am simply noticing and allowing myself to feel the feelings
( I promise, I was NOT doing this prior to writing and sharing)
2- I am giving myself permission to feel these feelings
3- I am observing what is showing up, I know more will be revealed
4- I am having some compassion for myself, trusting I will know when I know.
5- I am deciding what action to take to be proactive in my exercising.
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How do you relate?
PLEASE BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!